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This Site Sucks Ass

04.06.2007 5:18 PM

So after not touching this for like a year or something I decided to do the obvious: rewrite the whole backend in glorious PHP! Yes, the future is now! In the future I haven't decided if rewriting the news flashes is worth the effort. If you have an opinion on this please post a helpful newspost.

Anyway, how are you? I'm fine.

Happy Anniversary!

04.07.2006 4:50 PM

This image has nothing to do with anything

One year after the last incredible article, I return, slightly emboldened, somewhat emblazoned, and highly embalmed. I wish there were words to describe the fantastic journey I've taken these last 12 months, but alas they were all destroyed in a tragic explosion at the dictionary factory.

At any rate, in the time away I wormed myself into the dark side of gaming journalism, and I didn't like what I found. Things got ugly. Things got nasty. Things definitely got weird. Witness my experiences at a recent Blizzard press conference, and know terror.

Happy New Year! Eh?

04.07.2005 11:08 PM

It's been a little while since I've updated, although I doubt anybody noticed, and I'd like to say it's because I'm emulating my hero, Seanbaby, but that sadly isn't the case. Instead I've been embroiled in a high profile molestation case. Now, I can't give any details due to very legal circumstances, but I will say that "bathing suit area" is a highly subjective term in my personal opinion.

Anyway, I popped in to yak a bit about the Pope up and dying, not due to molestation but rather due to the Wrath of God. That's some unpleasant business right there, but it happens, and somebody has to pick a new Pope. Who is going to do that you ask? Why I do believe it's me. Feliz Navidad!

Fun fact: this shit took three days! Shit's hard! Shit's real hard! I demand your love!

Guess who's back, back again

11.30.2004 10:29 PM

Oh damn I managed to tear myself away from Civilization 3 long enough to do an update. Lucky you, and lucky me! After eating a full meal (a welcome post-Civ 3 luxury) I sat down and found out that America had an election. How about that! However their sagging economy is so bad these days that they were only able to run two parties. How sad is that? Hey America, you're welcome to one of our national parties anytime you need one. We've got national parties like the LES has syphillis!

But seriously, folks, everybody's favourite "democracy" ended up being unfortunate enough to keep a very scary government in charge, so as a sort of primer for what the next four years will be like I put together a guide on selected members of the team. Read it for school credit. Don't worry, though, it's not actually educational.

Hmmmm, I wonder what would happen if America was created in the time of the Mongols and the fucking goddamned shiteating Iroquois.... let's find out!

What's going on in the world today

08.15.2004 8:58 PM

Yes, I'm back again, and so is Hott Newz, and since it's been so long I spiced it up with an all sex crime edition. Enjoy, you perverts!

Also, yesterday was State Og Saturday Saturday Saturday, and I actually did something for it. It's right here and it's waiting for your deep perusal, all night long. I wrote Relaxing Vacation, which is topical because I'm going on vacation next week. Joy!